By Dan Barber
I am a self-described dolt when it comes to culture. I don’t
get foreign language movies, fine wine or impressionist art.
I just read in one of my newspapers that I just love
to hammer when they get the story wrong or completely askew when they slant it too
far left or right, that another foreign language film festival is going to take
place in one of our nearby desert towns.
I just don’t understand the draw of watching a movie and
having to read the subtitles all at the same time. When I spend the time
watching a movie, I want to be entertained. I want some escapism I want to
laugh, cry or to think. When I spend the time reading a book, I want the same
thing… but putting the both of them together into a single activity is just
exhausting for me.
Watching a breathtaking filmed scene is nice however if I’m
reading the subtitle I could miss what the film maker is trying to show me… on
the other hand, if I’m watching the film instead of reading the subtitle I
could miss what the actors or narrator are saying.
I suppose a film festival gives our local TV and radio
station “celebrities” and fans a
chance to mingle with movie stars, past, present and future. And it gives
recent film school graduates a chance to showcase their “art.” I’m thinking
that “Rocky 6” shown in France
with French subtitles can be a leading candidate for foreign film of the year
there!
Wine is also a mystery to me. People have given me wine as a
gift, I thank them for their generosity, I then put the bottle in my wine rack because
I’m hoping that one day this bottle of wine will be sold at auction for a
million dollars to a rich person who really likes wine. This idea came to me
one day when I was bored so I looked up one of the bottles of wine that I had stored
on my wine rack for the last 20 years. I learned that particular bottle of wine
was no longer available, I thought wow I own the last surviving bottle of that
particular batch of wine! But was it because every bottle of that brand and year
sold out, or was it the subject of a product recall that I received as a gift?
I have tried tasting wine, but it all tastes the same to me.
It could be red, white pink or purple, wet or dry. I have never developed a taste for wine and couldn’t tell one from the other. When I was much younger we
used to (illegally) buy a gallon of a wine for a couple of bucks, a gallon of
apple cider then we would dump both gallons into a big pot over a fire at the
beach with a handful of cinnamon sticks, bring it all to a boil and then drink
it to warm us up on cold nights while "fishing."
I am also afraid to buy wine… when I go into a liquor store
they have a bunch of different brands with different prices… I could accidently
fork over a small fortune for a bottle of wine that could have come from the
same batch that I bought years ago for $2 a gallon and I wouldn’t know the
difference. I drink cheap beer and it is a no-brainer on what brand to buy.
Impressionist art can lead me to become a hoarder. In the
past while cleaning out the attic of the house I just bought I came across a
painting that I could not figure out how to view. If I hung it on the wall it
might be upside down or inside out. My fear of throwing stuff out comes from
the time I read a story about someone who bought what they thought was a
painter’s drop cloth for a couple of bucks at a garage sale, but turned out to be a valuable piece of art that sold for millions of dollars at auction.
Now that I’m retired I try to create what I call yard art…
mostly because my wife won’t allow me to display my work in the house, so it
stays in the yard or garage. Maybe one day my grandkids can sell it at auction or take it to the dump.
It’s time for another beer and maybe a nap.
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